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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28627728">Over the Hills and Very Close By</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConstantSidekick/pseuds/TheConstantSidekick'>TheConstantSidekick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Team Free Will 3.0 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, CW can suck my dick, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, Episode Fix-It: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Mixtapes are gay as fuck, No Beta, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, We Die Like Men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:00:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28627728</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConstantSidekick/pseuds/TheConstantSidekick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They win. They defeat Chuck, leave him begging on his knees. But it isn't over yet, because family doesn't end in blood and it sure as shit doesn't start there either. And if the sex-haired, socially awkward, blue-eyed angel doesn't qualify as family then who the fuck does? Team Free Will's got work to do.</p>
<p>But once that's done, once their work's finally done- they take on a new adventure; living. This is a story of how they lay their weary head to rest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Jack Kline, Castiel &amp; Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Team Free Will 3.0 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>197</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Then as it was, then again it will be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Pretty dialogue-heavy, because I'm a scriptwriter but CW pissed me off enough that I have to do this now. Some characters aren't added to the tags to avoid spoilers.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So, here’s how it went; in the end, it all came down to one ex-blood junkie, one drop-out with six bucks to his name, a half angel kid and Mr. Comatose. Team Free Will 2.0 against the biggest big bad they had ever faced, God Himself.</p>
<p>And guess what? They won.</p>
<p>They left the Creator of all, the Almighty crawling and begging on his knees at some random lakeside as nothing more than a <em>meek </em>human, he had come to despise so much. He was now something worse than dead, he was completely and utterly <em>irrelevant.</em> And the world was finally free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So does this mean, you’re the new… What do we call you?” Sam asked, standing on a street that was now bustling with people all around them.</p>
<p>“Who cares what we call him?” Dean said, smiling. His voice filled with pride, “All that matters is that he got us back online.”</p>
<p>Jack smiled gently, shyly. He looked up to Dean, always will. Becoming all-powerful wouldn’t change that.</p>
<p>“What happened to Amara? Chuck…” Sam asked.</p>
<p>“She’s with me,” Jack replied. “We’re in harmony.”</p>
<p>“You’re gonna come back with us to the bunker?” Sam asked, hesitant of the answer.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Dean replied. “Of course he’s gonna come to the bunker. He’s the man with the plan. He’s top dog. He can do whatever he wants now. Come on!” He started walking back to the Impala.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam looked back at Jack when his silence persisted and faltered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll spruce the place up, get some recliners. We’ll get you one of those big-screen T.V.s” Dean turned around looking at Jack, feeling excited.</p>
<p>“Dean, I’m not coming back home,” Jack said calmly. “In a way, I’m already there.” Jack continued.</p>
<p>“Where?” Dean asked, dumbfounded.</p>
<p>“Everywhere,” Jack replied as if it were an indisputable fact.</p>
<p>Dean felt a sudden loss of words.</p>
<p>“So, you are… Him” Sam said with wonder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack smiled, and for a moment, the radiance of it felt so blinding that it was enough to make anyone forget that he had just confirmed that he was in fact, the new God. For a moment, he seemed exactly as old as he was, he seemed like a 3-year-old, showing off to his parents a new skill he’d learnt, like doing a cartwheel.</p>
<p>“I’m me.” He said with a chuckle, “But I know what you mean.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam and Dean felt, well it couldn’t be shock but something resembling bewilderment along with awe. Jack was still, in their eyes, the kid that ate too many nougats.</p>
<p>“What if we wanna see you? You know, have a beer or whatever?” Sam asked with hope and a tinge of desperation.</p>
<p>“I’m around.” Jack replied, “I’ll be in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust that the wind blows and, in the sand, and the rocks and the sea.”</p>
<p>That was it, wasn’t it? Jack was now God. He was the most powerful being in existence; brimming with the powers of God, and the Archangel Michael along with his own father, the Archangel Lucifer. He was in a way, power incarnate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Boo!” Dean snorted.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Jack replied, confused.</p>
<p>“I said, BOO! You’ve been God for like what? 10 minutes and you’re already waxing poetic about it?” Dean has fought Gods and won; he doesn’t care. “Look I get it, alright? There’s a whole world out there for you to… god. And you’ll do great. You’re a good kid, you’ll knock this gig out of the park, I’m sure but we aren’t asking for miracles. We’re just saying, swing by once in a while, check in with your folks. We’ll worry is all.”</p>
<p>Sam smiled. Leave it to Dean Winchester to be worried about the New God.</p>
<p>“I know, Dean but…” Jack said, his thoughts muddled. “I have responsibilities now… With these powers… I should be hands-off. I am God.”</p>
<p>“And the last one became a fucking asshole in his isolation.” Dean challenged.</p>
<p>Jack looked to Sam, hoping for an answer.</p>
<p>“He’s right,” Sam said. “Your family… us, we’re your connection to humanity. Without that, you’d be just like him, a king in a high castle. Besides, it’d be like following in your dad’s footsteps.”</p>
<p>Sam didn’t mention him by name, but Dean’s breath caught all the same.</p>
<p>“And I’ve already bought your Christmas present. And it’s a good one, so…” Sam added slyly.</p>
<p>Jack smiled. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“I’m not telling you,” Sam replied.</p>
<p>“I am God, I could just find out, you know?” Jack said with a smirk.</p>
<p>“That’s cheating, Jack. I taught you better than that.” Sam huffed.</p>
<p>“Dean says sometimes you gotta fight dirty to get what you want.”</p>
<p>“Of course, he’d say that. He’s the reason I have to hide the gifts in the first place.”</p>
<p>Both Sam and Jack had a pleasant smile on their faces. Dean, however, was only just catching up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you’ll come around then?” Dean asked, trying to sound casual but failing to hide the desperation from his voice. “Cause God or not, you’re our kid. I know… I know I said those awful things but-”</p>
<p>“Can I pick what we watch for movie night?” Jack cut him off.</p>
<p>Dean finally smiled too. “As long as it’s not some fucking Michael Bay film… sure. You can pick.”</p>
<p>All three of them stood for in silence a moment, smiling with relief, taking in their win. Their big, unbelievably terrifying win.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean was the one who broke the silence. “Jack…” he faltered. His throat suddenly felt clogged, a horrifying hole in his chest, where a certain someone should have been. “<em>Cas…”</em> Is all he could say.</p>
<p>Jack sobered instantly, smile fading.</p>
<p>“I tried.” He said, looking more morose by the second, “I promise. I tried. When I brought everyone else back. I don’t think I have dominion over the Empty but…” he looked like a child again, lost in the supermarket, looking around desperately for his parents, “I will try again. I’ll keep trying. He made that deal for me, to save me. I owe it to him. I-”</p>
<p>Now Dean was the one who cut him off, enveloping him in a fierce hug. Jack held onto him just as tightly. “We’ll get him back.” Dean said, ruffling his hair, “We’ll figure it out. Okay? <em>Together</em>” He looked back at Sam, who just resolutely nodded in response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Team Free Will had work to do.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. You are the sunlight in my growing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back when it all began; Sam Winchester was destined to be the Boy King. His life, bartered away in a Demon deal even before he was born, infected with Demon blood, prophesized to break the last seal and bring upon the Apocalypse while being worn as a fucking prom suit by the Prince of Darkness.</p><p>Who would’ve known that that man, would not only defeat Lucifer and God and every other awful thing that was thrown his way, only to emerge victorious as one of the kindest and most compassionate people ever? His brother, probably. And a certain angel, who might have started out thinking him broken only to become his best friend.</p><p> </p><p>“I think…” Sam paused, scraping the label off of the beer in his hand, trying to find the right words. “I think I was selfish when it came to wanting him around sometimes. He… His faith in me felt like absolution, you know?” He looks signs as he speaks. He’s not very good at it, but he’s learning.</p><p>“Because he was an angel?” Eileen asks, from where she sits across from him in the War room.</p><p>Dean had retired into his own room to give the couple some privacy after hugging her tightly when he saw her. She had materialized exactly where she had vanished and immediately made her way back to the bunker and greeted the boys upon their arrival. All three of them were misty-eyed with soft smiles.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Where’s Jack?” Eileen had asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He’s God now.” Sam had replied proudly, “He’s doing what Dean calls, ‘God shit’” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eileen laughed, “And Cas?” she asked looking at Dean.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The silence was almost audible. Dean could only look at her for a moment, unable to form words, with sadness in his eyes before telling her he was happy to have her back and excusing himself to his isolation. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Part of it was that, yes” Sam answered. “But also, I don’t know… He was so infallibly good, you know? He was always trying to be good. Even when he went behind our backs and let out the Leviathans- “</p><p>“The what?” Eileen asked confused.</p><p>Sam smiled at that, “They were like black gooey shape-shifting monsters from Purgatory. Anyway, not important. Point is, his motivation was always to protect us because somehow to him we were worth it. <em>I was worth it.</em>”</p><p>“And if someone like that thinks you’re worth it, you must be?” Eileen supplied.</p><p>“Something like that,” Sam said. And because Dean was in his own room far enough away, and because this was Eileen, kind, unjudgmental, loving Eileen, he added, “And maybe because he made Dean happy. I think I wanted him around because he gave Dean hope, and made Dean smile and… I guess he was the only person who could make Dean even consider being… himself, completely.”</p><p>Eileen’s face morphed into a soft, awful smile. “I understand. Sometimes I think Cas stuck around for the same reason as well.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Sam said. “But isn’t that selfish? Wanting him around to feel a sense of redemption, wanting him around as incentive for my brother?”</p><p>“It is,” Eileen replied. Sam flinched. Honesty is an important part of every relationship, but that doesn’t mean she had to slap him with it.</p><p>“But we are quite selfish when it comes to wanting things from family. We become so sure that they will be around no matter what, that we demand things without thinking about it, I think.” She added gently.</p><p>“Makes me pretty shit family, doesn’t it?” Sam asked with a hollow smile.</p><p>“Yes,” Eileen replied without hesitance. Again, honesty is important but man, Sam’s cheek is going to be sore for a while if she keeps going. “But isn’t all family shitty that way?” she continued with a smile. “You’ll move heaven and hell to bring him back, because you miss him, because he’s your best friend who believes in you and because he makes your brother happy. If that’s not what family does, then I don’t know what it means to be family at all.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam looked at her intently, letting her words wash over him. “I don’t think I would have survived losing you. Not completely. Not again.”</p><p>Eileen got up from her chair and walked over to him. She softly caressed his cheek as Sam closed his eyes and leaned into it. She climbed onto his lap, straddling him. She tucked strands of his hair behind his ear with no success and then leaned in to kiss him. They kissed with a beautiful tenderness, trying to fill it with as much love and care as possible, both almost afraid of letting go, having lost each other one too many times.</p><p>Eventually, when they did pull apart, they were both smiling, eyes glistening.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m pretty fucking hard to forget,” Eileen said smirking.</p><p>Sam blinked. And after a beat threw his head back laughing. And then she was laughing too.</p><p>He pulled her back in for another kiss, this one more uncoordinated than the last, both their lips curled into a smile, “Absolutely.” He replied.</p><p>“Stay?” He asked, hesitant.</p><p>“The night?” Eileen asked, feigning innocence.</p><p>“No…” He replied. “I mean yes, of course but… not just… I meant more along the lines of… you know like... Only if you wanted to, of course. I was just wondering… if you’d- “</p><p>Eileen cut him off with a kiss. “You’re pretty dumb for a smart guy.” She said smiling. “Of course, I’ll stay, you dumb giant.”</p><p>Sam huffed, exasperated and blushing. “Good. Okay.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Take my hand, child come with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the Nephilim came into existence, the world had fallen into chaos. Heaven was afraid of what destruction will be wrought upon the world by the Son of Lucifer while Hell waited impatiently for him to wreak havoc. However, the woman carrying the child knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that her son would be nothing but salvation for mankind. She could not have been righter if she tried.</p><p>But of course, she wasn’t alone in her faith in the child, there was an angel watching over her who vowed to ensure that the boy would be happy and safe, and grow up to be the savior she believed him to be.</p><p> </p><p>Jack appeared in the bunker at the break of dawn. He stood in front of the table in the library. His heart filled with joy at the sight of his name carved below his family’s, right next to ‘<em>Castiel’. </em>He ran a hand over the carving, sighing softly. A prayer made for an angel who probably wouldn’t be able to hear it.</p><p> </p><p>He walked into the kitchen expecting to find it empty but was greeted with the sight of Dean, with a book on the table and a glass of what was most probably whiskey in his hand.</p><p>“Hello,” Jack waved politely.</p><p>Dean looked up from his book, “Hey kid,” he said smiling, “What are you doing here this late?”</p><p>Jack walked over to the cupboard, opening and grabbing the box of Crunch Cookie Crunch he had hidden behind the other boxes of cereals. “Technically I’m here early,” he said as he took out the bottle of milk from the fridge.</p><p>“Huh. I guess I lost track of time,” Dean replied running a hand over his face.</p><p>“What were you doing?” Jack asked, knowing the answer, not because he was God but because he knew Dean. He picked up a bowl and spoon, gathered everything, and walked over to the table and sat down opposite Dean.</p><p>“Research,” Dean answered. He shut the book in front of him and took another sip from the glass. He watched Jack pour his cereal and milk, and a small smile crept back onto his face. This kid. “Are you supposed to be eating that?”</p><p>“Are you supposed to be drinking that?” Jack asked in reply. His tone was jovial as though he was talking about the weather instead of calling Dean out on his toxic coping mechanism.</p><p>Dean's smile fell. “Touché”</p><p>“I won’t tell Sam if you don’t” Jack added.</p><p>And just like that, the smile was back, “You’ve got a deal.”</p><p> </p><p>A beat of silence passed, amicably between the two. Eventually, Dean was the one who broke it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you never say anything about the deal?” Dean asked. He didn’t specify which one, but he didn’t have to.</p><p>Jack cowered a bit, afraid of Dean’s reaction. The action made Dean’s heartache.</p><p>“He asked me not to,” Jack replied. “He said it was not your burden to bear or mine.”</p><p>“That’s a load bullshit if I’ve ever heard one” Dean scoffed.</p><p>“I agree. But he was adamant in his belief that he was never going to be <em>truly happy</em> so, there was nothing to be worried about.”</p><p>“Fuck.” Dean sighed. “How fucked is that? The poor bastard didn’t even think he could be <em>happy</em> for a moment. Fuck!”</p><p> </p><p>A being as old as creation, older than the stars in the sky, and his moment of true, profound happiness was-</p><p> </p><p>“But in the end, he got it, right?” Jack asked gently, “His moment of happiness… I wish he hadn’t though. Isn’t that cruel?”</p><p>“If you knew what was his moment of happiness, I think you’d wish he got it even less.” Dean couldn’t bring himself to look Jack in the eyes so he stared at the table instead.</p><p>“I know,” Jack said, again as jovially as talking about what they were going to have for breakfast that morning. Dean looked up at that.</p><p>“What do you mean, you know?” Dean asked, his voice clearly laced with panic.</p><p>“I mean that I know,” Jack said, taking another bite. “Not because I’m God or something.” He added in haste, “I’ve always known.”</p><p>“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean’s voice had climbed higher, at which Jack flinched again. Dean sobered watching the kid recoil. The Almighty God, afraid of nothing but Dean Winchester’s wrath. He was suddenly a kid himself, recoiling from his own father.</p><p> </p><p>Dean breathed. “I’m sorry, kid.” He said as gently as possible.</p><p>“For what?” Jack tilted his head slightly, confused. And in that moment, Dean couldn’t help but smile. It confused Jack even more.</p><p>“You know, when you first came into our lives…” he began with a hollow smile, “When I was a fucking dick to you – “</p><p>“Dean, I- “</p><p>Dean cut him off, waving his hand, “- it wasn’t just because you were Lucifer’s kid… You called Cas…” He faltered at the name, “You said Cas was your father, and man, I swear I would’ve fucking bought that. You look just like him, you know?”</p><p>“I do?” Jack asked with a grin.</p><p>“Yeah!” Dean replied with a matching one, “I swear if I hadn’t been with Cas when you were… made… I wouldn’t have believed you weren’t his kid. You’re a spitting image of him.” Dean paused, taking another sip from his glass. “But it wasn’t just that; you were like him in every fucking way possible. You were this awkward, dorky little guy and all you wanted to do was help people. You were a good kid, and all I did was give you shit because I couldn’t look at you and not…”</p><p>“See him.” Jack completed for him.</p><p>Dean just nodded silently, taking another swig. “So, I’m sorry. For back then but more than that, I’m sorry for what I said about…”</p><p>“It’s alright Dean.” Jack said calmly, “I told you before, I understand. I’m not Sam or Cas- “</p><p>“Fuck that!” Dean cut him off, “No, you’re not Sam or Cas, you- you’re our kid. Fuck, <em>you’re my kid!</em> I was angry and scared. I wanted Chuck gone, I wanted freedom and I thought that was the only way to get it. I’ve got shit coping mechanisms, man. That’s on me, alright? I’ve been on the receiving end of that shit so I don’t know how I could be enough of an ass to put you through that too, but that ends now. I will make it up to you, okay? I swear, I’ll do anything.”</p><p>Jack smiled softly, “You don’t have to make it up to me Dean. You apologized and I forgive you. That’s enough.”</p><p>“It really isn’t” Dean insisted, “Come on, ask for something.”</p><p>Jack remained silent.</p><p>“Come on, kid. Don’t look a horse in the mouth, just ask.” Dean encouraged the kid and waited until a moment later a small smile made its way onto his face. “So? What would you like?”</p><p>“I want to be <em>you</em>, again,” Jack said with a smirk.</p><p>“Well… <em>fuck</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>“You better be nice to her, you hear me?” Dean said from the passenger seat. “She’s a lady, treat her with care.”</p><p>“I know how much you care about her Dean. Of course, I will.” Jack said with nothing but sheer sincerity in his voice, it made Dean breathe a little easier.</p><p>“Alright. You remember how to do this?” Dean asked.</p><p>“Yes.” Jack turned on the ignition, put the gear in drive, and pushed the accelerator. And they were off.</p><p>“Did becoming God make you a better driver?” Dean asked genuinely curious, kid was doing way better than the last time.</p><p>“Would you believe me if I said yes?” Jack asked.</p><p>Dean laughed, for the first time in a very long time, “Weirder things have happened.” He turned the radio on and the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6zaCV4niKk">song</a> trickled in slowly.</p><p> </p><p><em>It's not time to make a change</em> <em><br/>
Just relax, take it easy<br/>
You're still young, that's your fault<br/>
There's so much you have to know<br/>
Find a girl, settle down<br/>
If you want you can marry<br/>
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy</em></p><p> </p><p>Both men smiled as the wind blew in their hair and they rode the car that had been the Winchester’s home for most of their life while they watched the sun rise over the horizon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Throw me a line, if I reach it in time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Sam was a wee little baby boy, 6 months old, all chubby cheeks and drool, he was infected with Demon blood, and the Demon who did it, burnt his house down to the ground but his elder brother had saved him, carrying him out and promising to keep him safe. His mother, however, hadn’t made it out. And, in a way, neither had his father.</p><p>Later when he was a bit older, he’d taken his first steps towards his elder brother. The first word he’d spoken, wasn’t ‘dada’ or ‘mama’, but ‘Dee’. Much later, when his girlfriend had been subjected to the same fate as his mother, his brother had dragged him out of the burning building again. He had even sold his soul to save Sam when he'd died unceremoniously, at an abandoned ghost town of Cold Oak.</p><p>Dean Winchester had protected his baby brother all his fucking life. But there hadn’t been enough occasions for Sam to be able to repay the debt. But then, there it was, the one thing Dean wanted more than anything else, one thing he couldn’t live without, not really. And Sam would be damned if he wasn’t going to get it for him. He was going to get that stupid self-sacrificial angel back from the Shadow even if it meant that he'd have to live through another thousand repeated Tuesdays, listening to Asia.</p><p> </p><p>“Anything?” Eileen asked as she offered him a beer.</p><p>He accepted with a smile, “No.” he sighed. “Dean?”</p><p>“I found something about how to make an offspring of a mermaid and a werewolf but zilch on the Empty,” Dean replied annoyance laced in every word. He accepted the beer that Eileen offered him as well as the soft pat on his back. “I didn’t even fucking know mermaids are real, man?”</p><p>Sam chuckled lightly.</p><p>“They are mostly peaceful, as long as you don't attack them first. Nowhere near as pretty as Ariel though,” Eileen said, as she sat down at the head of the table. Both men stared at her, dumbfounded. “What? Are you two the only ones allowed to have cool adventures?”</p><p>They smiled in response.</p><p>It had been two months and seventeen days since they had defeated Chuck. Dean wasn’t counting, he wasn’t. They had been searching far and wide, coming up empty, again and again. Dean had drunk through so much liquor that even the cashier at the store was concerned the last time he’d gone.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“You alright, man?” The cashier had asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean had looked him dead in the eye, “Do I fucking look alright?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. You look like shit, but the booze isn’t gonna fix it.” He’d said with concern in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Probably not, but it’ll help me function long enough to find a way to fix it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, all the best, I guess.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“What if there is no way?” Dean asked later that night. Both the brothers were still in the library, Eileen on the other hand had retired into Sam and her room after dinner, having woken up earlier than both of them to buy groceries and run errands that they were too invested to even spare a thought to.</p><p>“What? You’re giving up?” Sam asked without looking up from his book, challenging. At Dean’s lack of response, he finally looked at his brother. “Dean?”</p><p>“Look, Sam, I don’t want to. Of course, I don’t!” Dean insisted, looking distraught. “I want there to be a way but, I don’t know, all those other times, we had Chuck playing us behind the scenes, what if it was him?”</p><p>“And with him gone, you think we don’t get any more wins?” Sam asked, pushing the book aside.</p><p>“Maybe… Or maybe…”</p><p>“Maybe what, Dean?”</p><p>Sam could have counted the number of times he had seen his brother actually admit defeat on one hand. But in recent years, there was an angel waiting around the corner to pull Dean right back on track. But at that moment, the absence of Sam’s best friend <em>was</em> the reason for Dean’s torment.</p><p>“Maybe I- we just can’t get a perfect ending, you know?” Dean asked, looking intently anywhere but at Sam, “Maybe this is it. And we have to give up on the one fucking guy who never gave up on us.”</p><p>“Come on, man! We’ve made our way out of worse shit; we’ll figure it out. We always do.” Sam insisted.</p><p>“What if we don’t?” Dean challenged, “What if we can’t find jack shit and Jack can’t find a way either. What then?”</p><p>“Then we keep fucking digging, Dean!”</p><p>“It’s that easy?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sam replied, calmly, “Like you said, he never gave up on us, we don’t give up on him.”</p><p>“We don’t give up on him” Dean repeated almost to himself.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, when Dean walked back into the Library, hungover and ten kinds of sore, he was greeted with both his brother and his girlfriend’s bright smiles and enthusiastic hand gestures that Dean was sure, Sam couldn’t completely understand.</p><p>“What’s got you both so happy, this early?” Dean asked grumpily, “Which reminds me, stop being so happy, so loudly in the morning. I mean, don't get me wrong. I’m happy for you guys but- “</p><p>“I found the summoning spell for the Empty” Sam cut him off, and left him speechless.</p><p>A moment passed and Dean’s brain finally turned back on, “What good will that do? Jack can’t kill it, and that thing hates Cas with every black goo drop of it’s being, so what are we gonna do? Make <em>another </em>deal?”</p><p>“Yes,” came a reply.</p><p>“<em>Jesus fucking Christ, kid!</em> You’re gonna give your old man a fucking heart attack.” Dean jumped.</p><p> </p><p>Jack had appeared right behind him. He walked over to stand between Sam, Eileen, and Dean.</p><p>“Sorry, I thought it would be funny,” Jack replied plainly.</p><p>“It was,” Eileen said with a smile, “I’ve never seen him jump so high.” Sam snickered next to her.</p><p>“Haha. Can we get back to the topic at hand?” Dean was getting annoyed; his heart was doing backflips and he didn’t know if he should let himself hope. After two months and eighteen days, hope felt dangerous. Because if he did let himself hope, and it all went to shit anyway, he isn’t sure all the alcohol in the world would help him fix it. “Why the fuck are we making a deal?”</p><p>“We aren’t, not really” Sam replied, immediately.</p><p>Dean just raised his eyebrow in reply.</p><p>“We’ll just pretend that we’re making a deal, as a distraction,” Jack added, whispering as though lowering his voice was the key to fooling a nigh omniscient cosmic being. And who knows? Maybe it was.</p><p>“Distraction for?” Dean asked.</p><p>“You” Eileen pitched in cheerfully.</p><p>“Okay… what the fuck?” Dean asked exasperated and running out of patience.</p><p> </p><p>Sam sighed and stepped forward, “Let’s start from the beginning, okay? You remember Jesse Turner?”  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is that- was that... a cliffhanger?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Will drive our ships to new lands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If there’s anyone out there who has been dealt the most inconceivably shit hand, time and again; it’s the fucking Winchesters. Their lives have been perfused with tragedy and loss, so much so, facing an Apocalypse eventually became an annual event. Sometimes it felt like they were the protagonists of some long-running aggressively heteronormative horror tv show on a very shitty network. But that never stopped them from persisting, fighting, surviving, and winning. Because in the face of undefeatable odds against ancient evils, they felt right at home.</p><p>As Crowley had put so eloquently once, <em>“Whenever there's a world-ending crisis at hand, I know where to place my bets. It's on you, you big, beautiful, lumbering piles of flannel</em><em>."  </em>It was probably why he was the only bad guy who lived long enough to become a good one.</p><p>But the Winchesters’ triumph wasn’t only because of their unyielding morality but also because of something much simpler, more basic; family. They would walk to the ends of the Earth for not only each other but everyone they loved. And devotion like that would always inspire similar allegiances in return. They cared for others fiercely and were rewarded in kind, especially by an angel; the Angel of Thursday.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Th</em><em>e fucking Antichrist</em>?” Dean asked so loud, he practically squealed, “Yeah, Sammy. I remember the fucking Antichrist, isn’t really something you completely forget.”</p><p>“Yeah well,” Sam began hands held out in defense in a futile attempt to placate Dean, “We were thinking- “</p><p>“I can’t believe I have to do this sober,” Dean muttered.</p><p>Sam barrelled on, “-he is probably the only thing, other than Jack, whose soul doesn’t have a set destination. Like Jack, Jesse’s part human, so he could still make it into heaven.”</p><p>“If he hasn’t gone Darkside,” Dean added as he ran a frustrated hand over his face.</p><p>“He hasn’t. He lives in India, surfs a lot, and runs a charity.” Jack countered.</p><p>“You’re shitting me.” Dean looked around, hoped someone would be yelling ‘Sike’ any moment.</p><p>When he was met with serious faces and utter silence, “Well, fuck. Apparently, all the Damien Thorns of the world are fucking saints. Who would’ve thought?”</p><p>“You guys,” Jack replied with a smile. And Dean had to smile at that, the unwavering faith this kid had in his makeshift family was enough to write ballads about, it even made Dean swoon.</p><p>“Okay, but what do we want with Jesse and his unclaimed soul?” Dean asked, walking over and pulling a chair. He was old and hungover and his heart hadn’t stopped beating a mile a minute since the conversation had started.</p><p>“We use it to bargain with the Empty. It's probably the only thing it would want,” Sam said. There was determination in his voice, which meant Sam had decided to die on that hill if needed. “So we ask for Cas in exchange for Jesse’s soul and- “</p><p>“Mine,” Jack added calmly.</p><p> </p><p>Dean wasn’t entirely sure how he hadn’t gone grey from being surrounded by self-sacrificial asshats. Maybe it was Chuck and his hero’s curse. And with him gone, maybe Dean would become an old haggard grey-haired man very, very soon.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Dean said, as evenly he could.</p><p>“What?” Sam, Jack, and Eileen asked in unison.</p><p>“I said, absolutely not! You wanna hear it in Russian? Точно нет.”</p><p>“Why do you know Russian?” Jack asked confused. At the same time, “We aren’t gonna actually make the damn deal. It’s just the distraction, Dean,” said Sam.</p><p>“It’ll keep the Empty occupied on Earth long enough for someone to sneak in and get Cas out,” Eileen added.</p><p>“Oh, and how the fuck do we ‘sneak in’ to the damn Empty?” Dean asked, exasperated.</p><p>“There’s a backdoor entry, through Death’s Reading Room,” Sam replied with a smirk, “That’s probably why Billie was hiding from it on Earth.”</p><p>“I’ll be Luke, cause the distraction. And you can be Leia and go rescue your Han from carbonite.” Jack said with a brilliant grin on his face, “Come to think of it, the Empty does feel a lot like carbonite… I don’t like it.” He added, looking perturbed as though he had been personally imprisoned in carbonite.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was suddenly torn, between vehemently denying that Cas was not <em>his Han, </em>couldn’t be <em>his, </em>not really, and reminding them that, that mission had been beyond chaotic. Both pleas would fall on deaf ears so instead, he said, “Didn’t know you had a soul.”</p><p>“I still am quite human, despite my powers,” Jack replied.</p><p>“So, you’ll die like the rest of us?” Sam inquired.</p><p>“Eventually, I think so… Yes,” Jack said but sounded somewhat unsure himself.</p><p> </p><p>A moment passed in silence, the revelation that their New God wasn't as unfading as they would've thought.</p><p> </p><p>Dean broke the heavy silence, “You would need Jesse on board with this whole thing, you know? Empty won’t just take your word for it.”</p><p>“We're not idiots, you know?” Eileen chided him like he wasn't some 40 something seasoned hunter, but a sassy 7-year-old know it all.</p><p>“I’m not flying to India,” Dean said, he tried going for casual but failed completely.</p><p>“You don’t have to, old man,” came a voice from behind him.</p><p>“<em>Jesus fucking Christ!” </em>Dean jumped up off of his chair, shocked beyond belief but ready for a fight as per usual.</p><p> </p><p>He looked back at the boy, now man, well built, chisel-jawed with hair slicked back. He looked exactly like that kid they found waiting around for his dad back in an empty home, and absolutely nothing like him.</p><p> </p><p>He smirked at Dean and said, “Couldn’t be further off, if you tried.”</p><p>“Jesse,” Dean said dumbfounded, stuck to his spot, unable to move.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s good to see you, man,” Sam said with eloquence Dean wasn’t sure he’d be able to find for a while.</p><p>“I would be lying my ass off if I said the feeling’s mutual.” Jesse replied, “You’re both nothing but trouble and I was kinda hoping to never run into you again… ever.”</p><p>“Can’t say I blame you,” replied Sam with sorrow. Eileen reached out and held his hand, a steady comforting presence. “I’m sorry about having to send Jack to bring you here, we were kinda in a rush, and obviously I’m sorry that we have to drag you into this in the first place,” He added.</p><p>“Hey, you guys helped me out when no one else was going to. Everyone saw me as a weapon to be used or destroyed but you both saw a lost kid. I owe you one, and if that means I get to play Luke Skywalker for a bit, I don’t mind.”</p><p>“I thought I was Luke.” Jack cut in, with a sourness on his face.</p><p>Jesse just smiled, “You’re God, isn’t that enough?”</p><p>“The last one was an assbutt, so isn’t exactly a compliment,” Jack said affably. How did that kid make the matters of the universe sound like a conversation had during Sunday dinner?</p><p> </p><p>It was strange then, that a word that was so inanely meaningless struck Dean so fully. The fact that his heart halted to a stop at something so profoundly stupid as <em>assbutt</em> would make him laugh if it didn’t make him want to weep. He didn't think he could stand hearing those words from anyone else. But somehow they sounded absolutely <em>right</em> coming from Jack. Like father, like son.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’ll help us?” Dean asked finally.</p><p>“You’ve got both the Sons of Darkness at your disposal, General Organa,” Jesse smirked looking back at Jack, who nodded in agreement.</p><p>“Shall we go save our Angel, then?” Eileen asked with a mischievous smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I gotta ramble on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't like writing long chapters but this one kinda got away from me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘God’s Righteous Man´, they called him. ‘Michael’s Sword’, that’s what he was to the world. Then he became ‘the Knight of Hell’, a filthy impure Demon, bearer of the Mark of Cain. Chuck had called him the ‘Ultimate Killer’. Claiming, to be killed by him was glorious somehow.</p><p>Dean Winchester had spent four long decades believing that he was nothing more than whatever fucked up blunt instrument that his father had forged him into. He was a hunter, a big brother, and a killer. Beyond that, Dean Winchester was a complete waste of space.</p><p>Except that’s not right. He was more, maybe not to himself but to someone else. To someone, he was “…<em>the most caring man on Earth.... the most selfless, loving human being…”</em> But he couldn’t be. He couldn’t possibly be worth a moment of such ardent happiness for an Angel of the Lord, could he? He was <em>just</em> Dean.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was engulfed in unending darkness the moment he stepped through the door. The light from Death’s Reading Room was being engulfed into the stillness around him. He wasn’t sure how he could even see anything.</p><p>He began walking, charm held out on his palm, shining dimly.</p><p>“Cas?” he screamed into nothingness.</p><p>“Cas?” he tried again. “Where the hell is your feathery ass?”</p><p> </p><p>Frustrated, he stopped walking and breathed out harshly. He took a moment and then, fell to his knees.</p><p>“Cas, buddy, you got your ears on? I gotta talk to you, man. Where are you?” he prayed, desperation seeped into every word, for the first time in two months and nineteen days. He prayed for the first time since Purgatory. He prayed to his Angel, and for a moment he swore, the tranquillity he felt in the sheer act of it was too much to bear.</p><p> </p><p>Dean had never been a religious man; the luxury wasn’t awarded to him when his life was filled with so much mayhem. He couldn’t believe in a higher power because that would mean someone out there was enjoying his pain, using it for entertainment. And that felt far worse than the alternative of the absence of inherent goodness. His denial was futile though. God was real and just as cruel and capricious as Dean hadn't wanted Him to be.</p><p>But in the midst of it all, somehow his determination to avoid religion, he found faith. Faith, not in some All-Powerful God, but a nerdy, awkward Angel in a ratty old trench coat. So, he prayed, with faith and waited with patience.</p><p> </p><p>For a while, he was met with nothing but silence… and then, “Hello Dean.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean had lost a lot in his life; his mother, his father, Sam (multiple times), Bobby, Jack (twice), Charlie, Jo, Ellen, and on and on. But every time he lost Cas, he felt as though he became hollow. The pain felt unbearable, every breath was harder to breathe than the last. His world collapsed around him and he could hear himself being ripped apart from the inside out. He never stopped to think about what it meant, he told himself that he wasn’t allowed. That didn't mean he didn't know. The time was never right. And when it was, he'd lost Cas all over again.</p><p> </p><p>“Cas?” He asked, turning around, still on his knees.</p><p>And there he was. All blue eyes and sex hair with an ugly trench coat to boot. Castiel, the Angel of the Lord. Not anymore, perhaps. Chuck was gone, so Angel of Thursday, then.</p><p> </p><p>This was his Cas; the charm for the locator spell they’d done, burning brightly in his palm proved it. Years ago, if someone had asked Dean what personal item could they have used to find Castiel, in no universe would he have guessed that it would’ve been his own damn amulet.</p><p>Dean couldn’t move for a moment; he was sure his heart had stopped beating and he had already made his way into Heaven.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not real,” Cas replied, pulling Dean out of his trance.</p><p>“I’m not real?” Dean asked dumbly.</p><p>“No,” Cas replied with determination.</p><p>“But… I am real.” Dean said, confused.</p><p>“You said that the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. So, on and so forth,” Cas said evenly, “But I like seeing you all the same.”</p><p>“You do?” Dean asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Cas was smiling now, “I made my peace with never being able to see him again… This- it feels comforting somehow.”</p><p>“But you don’t think I’m real,” Dean asked again, Cas just shook his head in reply. “Then why do you like it?”</p><p>“I miss him, I guess. This is a good enough consolation prize,” Cas said with his lips curled into a sad, broken smile. He looked as if he’d made peace with an eternity living with false promises and Dean swore something in him broke too.</p><p>This powerful, immortal cosmic being who was nothing but goodness, wanted only to see Dean (even if he was not real) as a fucking<em> consolation </em>from eternal torture. Was Dean really worth all that? Could he ever be?</p><p> </p><p>“Cas, it’s me, man. I’m real” Dean insisted, his voice thick with emotions he couldn’t voice.</p><p>“Okay,” Cas replied, with resignation.</p><p>“You don’t believe me, do you?” Dean asked.</p><p>“No, but why does it matter? You’re going to ask me to follow you, tell me we have to hurry before the Empty gets back, right?” Cas asked.</p><p>“Um, yeah.” Dean replied hesitantly, “Doesn’t make me any less real, dude.”</p><p>“I’m not interested.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m fine here.”</p><p>“<em>What?”</em></p><p>“I’ve made peace with it.”</p><p>“<em>WHAT?!” </em>Dean was fuming.</p><p>“Even if you are real, I’d rather not go back. As I told him once, I’m cursed... Dean’s better off without me.” Cas said as if it was just a fact.</p><p>Dean had heard enough. He got to his feet and stomped over to Cas, pulled him by the collar of his shirt, and looked him dead in the eye, “And I told you, I’d rather have you; cursed or not!”</p><p>Dean was beyond furious, “We’re all putting our lives on the line to get your stupid self-sacrificing ass outta here. Jack’s stalling the Shadow, Claire, Donna, and Jody are powering the fucking locator spell in my hand, Sam and Eileen are fighting off reapers left and right, and I’m here, risking my very fine ass to get you out of the damn carbonite. So, for fuck’s sake can we please get a move on, so I can chew you out for pulling this stunt in relative peace?”</p><p> </p><p>Cas looked at him dumbfounded for a moment and then, “Carbonite? I’m not frozen, Dean. If anything, I’m dead.”</p><p>“Really man? That’s your fucking issue here?” Dean’s anger faded a bit. “Can we please go?” He asked letting go of Cas’s collar.</p><p>Cas hesitated. And then Dean finally saw it, Cas was afraid.</p><p>“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean asked softly, his hand resting gently on Cas’s elbow.</p><p>“I want you to be real, but I’m not sure I can bear it if you aren’t.” His voice was so low, Dean wouldn’t have heard it if he weren’t standing so close.</p><p>“I’m real Cas, please…” Dean’s voice was also a small broken thing, “I- I don’t have the right to ask you for it, but please, man. Just follow me one last time… Please.”</p><p>“I’ll follow you anywhere, Dean, you know that,” Cas replied with resolution.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, isn’t that just so fucking poetic?” came a voice from behind them.</p><p>In an instant, Dean was shielding Cas with himself one hand guarding Cas, the other wielding the Angel blade that was tucked in his belt.</p><p>“Meg?” Dean asked.</p><p>“Guess again, himbo.” Meg, no, the Empty sneered.</p><p>“Jabba the Hutt,” Dean said, annoyed. The universe wasn’t going to cut him slack, of course not. That would make it all way too easy, wouldn’t it?</p><p>The Empty smiled at him, a patronizing, gut-wrenching thing. It’s hatred for the pair clearly visible on its face.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not taking the Angel, Winchester. We had a deal. He had his moment of happiness, now he’s mine.” The Empty said with determination.</p><p>“Yeah well, I just defeated God, a few months ago, I’m on a fucking rebellious streak,” Dean answered with a smirk, “Besides, you got more than you bargained for. You got Death. Let Cas go, or-”</p><p>“Or what?” The Empty cut him off, “Your son, the so-called new God, has no dominion here. And even his ploy to sell me his and that other kid’s soul was real, you’ve pissed me off enough to not accept it out of sheer spite. So, pray tell, Dean what will you, a puny little human, do?”</p><p>Dean had come too far to face accept defeat now. Cas was in his arms, right there, and he was never letting him go. “I will keep coming back, and waking you up, making as much noise as possible, again and again, and again… till the day I die. I’m not leaving him here. Fuck that! I’m not leaving him, period.”</p><p> </p><p>In the midst of the staring match between the two suddenly he heard, “You’re real…” Cas sounded baffled by the development.</p><p>Dean broke off his stare and looked back at his best friend, “Yeah man, I’m real.” He said with a smile. And then Cas was smiling too.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Dean’s breath caught, he fell onto Cas, arms flailing, gasping for air.</p><p>“If he wants to keep coming back till the day he dies, let’s speed it up, shall we?” The Empty was fury incarnate. “You know what? I’m feeling especially bitchy today, so here’s another deal, since you’re so fond of those, I'll even give you a choice... option A, give up, stop fighting me while you sleep and I kill him quickly or option B, leave him here and you can go, he lives but takes your place instead, reliving his regrets till kingdom come.”</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, Dean was sure that was it. He would die there, in the Empty, in the arms of his Angel, the Angel he-</p><p> </p><p>And then the next moment, Cas was holding the Angel blade to his throat, and his face was steel. He looked as fierce as he had that night, all those years ago, when he and Dean had trapped Raphael in an abandoned house. There was determination radiating off of him and Castiel seemed unstoppable. Heaven’s soldier. Except he wasn’t that anymore, he was what he had always been; the Angel watching over Dean.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” The Empty asked.</p><p>“I’m choosing option C.” Cas replied with a smirk.</p><p>“NO!” Dean screamed as the Empty let him go and tried to haphazardly stop Cas. In the end, both were too slow.</p><p> </p><p>Castiel made a small slit at the bottom of his throat and his grace wafted away. The Empty tried with futility to catch it somehow but it blew away.</p><p> </p><p>“What have you done?” The Empty screamed, falling to its knees.</p><p>“You’ve been inside my head, you should’ve known… Choosing between anything and Dean Winchester…” Cas said calmly, as he pulled Dean’s around his shoulder and began walking back to the door to Death’s Reading Room, “It’s really no choice at all.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Like Shangri-la beneath the summer moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Growing up, Sam Winchester had always felt like an outsider. Some of it was because of how he was growing up; constantly moving around, raised by a brother who himself was just a kid. But part of it was this feeling in his bones that he wasn’t <em>supposed </em>to fit it. He felt wrong to even himself. When he found out about the Demon blood in him, there was a moment (however brief) of pure relief at having been right all along.</p><p>Eventually, though, this life, his brother, the makeshift family he’d collected, made him realize he was indeed different. Not because he was somehow <em>unclean</em>, but because of his innate desire to save people, help others. Somewhere along the way, while fighting monsters and saving the world, his brother and his best friend made him realize that he wasn’t defined by <em>what</em> he was. He was defined by what he did.</p><p>So how was it, that the people who taught him that hadn’t realized the same for themselves?</p><p> </p><p>“He still hasn’t spoken to you?” Sam asked trying to maintain a casual tone, but the way Cas turned to look at him, he’d clearly failed.</p><p>“No.” Cas replied while dumping five boxes of Crunch Cookie Crunch into the shopping cart.</p><p> </p><p>It had been a week since Cas had dragged his now, very human ass out of the Empty, Dean following behind with seething anger. All four of them had made their way back to the bunker from Death’s Reading Room. And Claire, for all her displays of indifference, had run over and crushed Cas in a tight embrace.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Never do that, again,” She had warned him, her voice thick with emotions and muffled by her head tucked safely in Cas’s chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cas had smiled softly, kissing the top of her head, “I’ll try my best.” Wiping the tears off her cheeks as he let her go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jack had materialized then, Jesse right behind him, “Castiel!” he had exclaimed, also running over to hug him. “I didn’t think it would work. We tried to stall it, but it caught on and I thought- we were- I didn’t think- “ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay, Jack.” He’d said, comforting, “I’m here. You did well... In fact, I hear you’re the new God now…” His smile was radiant and proud.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Something like that” Jack had replied with a matching smile as he released Cas.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You boys do realize, even by our standards this is a pretty crazy conversation, right?” Jody chided playfully. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Probably, but we’ve never really been very good at normal. So…” Sam had cut in. “It’s fucking great to have you back, man.” He’d brought Cas with all his might for a hug, which Cas had returned just as much force.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not to rain on the parade, but how are you back, Castiel?” Jesse had pitched in, from the corner, “Cause we failed and never even got the signal that you were out…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cas had stayed silent for a moment, his face stoic, before he caught on, “You’re Jesse Turner…. The- “</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Antichrist, at your service.” Jesse saluted mockingly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not to rain on the parade, but why did you help to get me out?” Cas had asked. “Last time we met, I tried to kill you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jesse had just stood there for a moment, assessing Cas, and then, “Your son’s pretty persuasive.” He’d said, nodding at Jack, “And I owed one to Princess Leia over there,” pointing at Dean. “But you didn’t answer my question, how did you get out?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before Cas could’ve replied, Dean’s patience had run out, “The son of a bitch, cut out his fucking grace!” And with that Dean had walked out. </em>
</p><p><em>Cas had looked around for a moment, unable to form words before he was pulled into another hug by Donna. “Just glad you’re back, handsome.” She’d whispered in his ear. He’d hugged Jody and then Eileen and diligently thanked Jesse before he disappeared asking politely to never be bothered again unless </em>Jack<em> needed something, he had added with a wink. Jack had turned a bright crimson. </em></p><p>
  <em>They’d all had pizza that night and laughed a bit in celebration. All of them together, except Dean.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a week later and Sam and Cas were buying groceries at the store.</p><p>“That’s way too much sugar, Cas. You gotta stop indulging Jack like that. You’re spoiling him.” Sam said, exasperated.</p><p>“You do realize you’re talking about the Almighty, right Sam?” Cas deadpanned.</p><p>All Sam could do was chuckle in response. “He’ll come around,” he said after a while.</p><p>“Maybe.” Cas said, grabbing cheese off the shelf, “But just in case, I’m looking for apartments.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam came to a halt.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re in Lebanon, so not that far. I’ll be nearby if need be, but I don’t think there will be a need.” Cas finally stopped, picked a jar of Jelly from the shelf, and began examining it intently, “Why is this so expensive? I should start looking for a job… Do you think the price difference reflects greatly upon the taste?” He asked turning towards Sam, finally noticing the shock on his face.</p><p>“Sam?” Cas looked worried then.</p><p>“Why?” Sam asked, Cas just raised his eyebrow in confusion, “You- you wanna move out?” he rephrased.</p><p> </p><p>Cas looked down at his hands, and somehow looked more human than he had in the past week, “I don’t think I have anything left to offer… without my grace, I’m a pretty awful hunter. And now... Dean won’t even look at me,” his voice was a small broken thing as he added, “I may have been right before, you both have each other, Jack… has the world; maybe it’s time for me to move on.”</p><p>“Cas- “Sam began and then cut himself off. He needed to do this properly, needed Cas to not just listen, but understand. So he walked over to the ex-angel, turned him by his shoulder, and looked him in eye as he said, “Cas, I know we’ve been pretty shitty- “</p><p>“Sam, no- “Cas tried interrupting.</p><p>“ – calling on you, only when we needed the big guns,” Sam soldiered on, “but man, I swear, you’re family. You’ve always been <em>family. </em>You’ve been there every step of the way, in our corner when no one else was. We’re not gonna kick you to the curb just because you don’t have your grace anymore.” Sam felt like he needed every word to hit Cas hard, he needed Cas to <em>know, </em>“The bunker is your <em>home, </em>for as long as you want it to be. So, if you’re trying to leave on our account, just... don’t. Just, stay? Okay?”</p><p>Cas looked up at him, eyes glistening, and after a brief pause said, “Okay, Sam.”</p><p>“Okay,” Sam could finally breathe.</p><p> </p><p>“On one condition,” Cas added.</p><p>‘What?” Sam asked, hesitant.</p><p>“I’m buying that jumbo pack of Nougat,” Cas said with a mischievous smile.</p><p> </p><p>And Sam’s face broke out into a grin. That was probably the most Cas thing Cas could’ve said. Grace or not, his first priority was always going to be his family, no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>“You drive a hard bargain, man,” Sam said, already walking back to the aisle.</p><p>Cas followed closely behind, “One of the regrets I had to live through in that god-awful place was not spoiling Jack enough. So, take it or leave it, Samuel.”</p><p>“Samuel?” Sam gaffed. “You’ve met my Grandad Cas, why the fuck would you call me that?”</p><p>Cas looked perturbed at that, “He really was an asshole. Wasn't he? I was merely trying it out. You don’t like it when anyone but Dean calls you ‘Sammy’, so I thought perhaps this could be a bargain of sorts.” He grabbed the jumbo pack of nougat off the shelf and dropped it in the cart in front of him. “I’ve noticed friends have nicknames for each other, I wanted one for you too, seeing as you are my best friend.”</p><p>“You can call me ‘Sammy’, Cas” Sam added with fondness in his voice. He was trying not to smile, Cas seemed to be taking the subject quite seriously, he didn’t want to rebuke the newly minted human.</p><p>“Really?” Cas turned around; his face lit up bright with a childish grin.</p><p>“Sure man.” Sam said, “Guy saves my ass over a hundred times, least I can do is let him call me ‘Sammy’.” They made their way to the cashier and checked out.</p><p> </p><p>Later, as the car ride, which was spent discussing the menu for dinner, was coming to an end, Cas turned to him and said, “Thanks, Sammy,” with such devotion, that Sam swore he felt his heart melt.</p><p>Yeah, Cas was home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If it wasn't clear, Sastiel is my brotp guys.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Communication breakdown, it's always the same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John Winchester was a good man. He served his nation, came back home, found a girl, fell in love, got married, bought a house with picket fences, and had two boys. He had it all… until he didn’t. He lost his wife to a Demon and spent whatever life he had left seeking revenge with a single-minded focus. And for this mission, he needed soldiers but all he had were his sons, so he had to make do.</p><p>Sam was too brash, too haughty, and independent to follow his father’s order blindly. He was not going to be a weapon for someone to use. John believed that was because Sam was too much like his old man. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Sam was capable of want, of desire, simply because he wasn’t raised by John at all. He was raised by Dean instead. With love, care, and compassion, and a horrible sense of humor. So, Sam, unlike his brother, could separate himself from his father’s sculpting hand. Dean, however, wasn’t so lucky.</p><p>He was made to believe he needed to be exactly what his father wanted him to be, and in trying to be a good son and a good brother, he felt like he’d lost himself somewhere. John’s incessant rants playing loudly on repeat inside his head, telling him what he could and <em>couldn’t </em>be. John Winchester was a good man… until he wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Dean walked into the kitchen, finishing off the last sip of his beer. He saw Eileen sitting on the table, laptop open in front of her. He waited in the doorway for her to notice him, to make sure he didn’t startle her. When she did, she passed him a kind smile. He made his way over to the fridge, discarding the bottle in his hand, and picking up two more.</p><p>He tapped on her shoulder softly, offering her one, which she graciously accepted and then moved to sit in front of her.</p><p>“What’s cooking, good looking?” He asked while simultaneously signing out the words, the best he could. The only person apart from Eileen, who was fluent in ASL was Cas, but they were trying to learn and she was patient enough to correct them every time they were wrong.</p><p>She laughed at that, “I’m sorry Dean,” she said, her hands moved, signing slowly for Dean’s benefit, “You’re really not my type.”</p><p>Dean chuckled in response, “Worth a shot though?”</p><p>“I don’t know? I think you’ll fare better if you focused your efforts somewhere else,” she replied with a knowing smile.</p><p>Dean felt the wind knocked out of him. “What?” is all he could get out.</p><p>“Nothing,” Eileen waved him off, “Sam and Cas are out getting groceries, if there’s something you want them to get, now’s your chance…” she added with jaunt.</p><p>Dean shook his head and fell silent, taking a long sip of his beer.</p><p>“Something on your mind, Dean?” She asked, not looking up from the screen, still signing.</p><p> </p><p>Something must have changed in Dean’s expression because then she looked up.</p><p>“You know, when I left the bunker, after everything that happened with Chuck, I did it because I was scared of what it all meant. I didn’t know if any of it was even real, or just another plot point for Chuck to manipulate. Part of me thought once this was all over maybe Sam and I just wouldn’t feel the same way anymore… but that didn’t happen,” a smile broke onto her face, “You went, fought God and won, and somehow we were just as real as we were before.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean was suddenly back in some police station all those months ago, <em>“Dean, you asked what about all of this is real; we are.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Footsteps broke him out of his trance. He looked up and watched as Sam and Cas, greeted Eileen and made their way to the kitchen island, carrying groceries with smiles on their faces, discussing the documentary they had watched the night before. And Dean was angry all over again because at that moment Cas looked- he looked so human. He wasn’t wearing his old rotten trench coat. He was wearing a soft-looking, somewhat oversized Ramones t-shirt and black jeans. He was not the Angel of the lord, just another human, fumbling around with eggs.</p><p> </p><p>Dean began getting up to leave and suddenly all the smiles dropped.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I should check in on Claire, she was hunting a ghoul near Colorado,” Cas said casually as if he wasn’t running away to make it easier for Dean to avoid him. Kind, naïve, unendingly giving Cas, walked out of the kitchen as quickly as he could.</p><p>“I’m gonna pretend that I am very interested in Claire’s hunting stories,” Eileen said closing her laptop and existing swiftly.</p><p> </p><p>Dean knew what was going to come next, but knowing didn’t make it hurt any less. “You’re an asshole,” Sam said evenly.</p><p>“I really don’t need this right now, Sammy- “Dean tried.</p><p>Sam cut him off, “You’re pushing him away and one of these days, you’ll push so fucking hard that he won’t come back.”</p><p>“Sam, come on,” Dean interjected. “I have a right to be pissed off. And if he can’t handle that, then he shouldn’t have  done something so fucking stupid in the- “</p><p>“He was looking for apartments,” Sam cut him off again and this time Dean fell silent. He felt his heart stop and he was sure; Sam could probably hear it. Sam for his part, kept arranging the groceries like he hadn’t just stabbed Dean right through his gut. “He was so sure that we wouldn’t want him around, now that he didn’t have ‘his mojo’, now that he was human... that he wanted to move out. You keep pushing him, Dean. You keep pushing him without any rhyme or reason and expect him to just understand, knowing full well that he was a fucking Angel for Christ’s sake. He might not show it but he feels more than we do. I mean, you don’t rebel against Heaven unless you really <em>feel</em>, you know? But he’s shit at dealing with it all, he never had to even try… before us. He can read people, maybe but he doesn’t always understand them. All he understands are words… Words that you refuse to verbalize.”</p><p>Sam walked over to him finally, put his hand on the table, and leaned in, overshadowing Dean with his whole height, determination and anger etched onto his face, “Dad’s dead Dean. You can’t keep blaming him for everything. So, Stop. Pushing. Him. Away.”</p><p>And with that he walked off, leaving Dean alone with a bottle of beer in his hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. See my baby, tell her, Tell her hurry home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I genuinely love this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean sat there for a moment in silence. He sighed heavily once and then he was off. He was sprinting down the corridor, a man on a mission.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Dean, I do everything you ask,</em> <em>I always come when you call. And I am your friend</em>.”</p><p>
  <em>“I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You changed me, Dean.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You have me confused with the other angel - you know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I remember you. I remember everything.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He reached Cas’s room and swung the door open without hesitation, only to find it empty.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I'll go with you. And I'll do my best.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I have a price on my head and I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them. To keep them away from you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Choosing between anything and Dean Winchester; it’s really no choice at all.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell, he was lost.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“For what it’s worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He darted to his room with so much force, he almost took the door with him. But it was empty too.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Maybe you could fight the Mark for years. Maybe centuries, like Cain did. But you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you will turn; Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So, if there’s even a small chance that we can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this room.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll go with you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’re making it up as we go.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time I’d rather be here." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He back to the library, but Cas wasn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"You see he has this weakness, he likes you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We’ve been through much together, you and I."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul? (...) I'm not a hammer, as you say. I have questions. I have doubts."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I love you... I love all of you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, you know me; always happy to bleed for the Winchesters."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He checked the storage room, laundry room, the infirmary but came up empty all over again. Fear took hold, he was so consumed by it he almost ran into Eileen.</p><p>“Cas?” is all he could bring himself to say.</p><p>She looked at him with concern but then it melted into a smile, “Did you check the garage?”</p><p>Dean bolted.</p><p>He was so sure when he got there, he’d find his angel- <em>his Angel</em> with a duffle bag on his shoulder, keys in the ignition, and resignation on his face. He could swear facing Death felt less terrifying at that moment. But when he finally got there-</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“The self-hating Angel of Thursday. You know what every other version of you did after "gripping him tight and raising him from Perdition?" They did what they were told. But not you. Not the "one off the line with a crack in his chassis."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dean and I, do share a more profound bond."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll watch over you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Goodbye, Dean”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” Dean asked, his tone coming out harsher than intended. He was gasping desperately for air at this point. Man, he was getting old.</p><p>“Listening to music?” Cas replied, taking off his headphone. It was almost a question as if Dean wasn’t going to allow him the luxury.</p><p>“In the Impala?” Dean asked, softer now.</p><p>“Yes…” Cas looked shy; his eyes fell onto his hands which were holding an ancient cassette player.</p><p>“Is there a reason you couldn’t do that in your room?” Dean asked walking over to the driver’s seat, leaning down, and sticking his head in through the window with arms resting on the door.</p><p>“Oh,” Cas said, looking skittish, like a child reprimanded for getting caught eating ice cream. “I’m sorry- I’ll just…” He began fumbling his way out of the passenger seat. Sam is right, Dean is a fucking asshole.</p><p>“Cas! No. Wait, man… That’s not what I meant, I just-” He said in a rush, and then when Cas stilled, he climbed into the car as well, “I just wanted to know, why here.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas looked out the window like he was looking back on a memory from a millennia ago. And who knows? Maybe he was. “I never knew what it meant to be home. Heaven was where we lived and served but it was never… home. I was an Angel then, so I didn’t particularly <em>need</em> a home,” He sighed, “But then I met you, I fought, I rebelled, eventually I fell and became human.”</p><p>Dean’s breath caught.</p><p>“And I remember then, finally understanding wanting to go home. And every time I felt, I suppose you would call, homesick, it was always for this magnificent thing.” A smile broke out on his face, while caressed the dashboard. “So, I come here now and again when I’m feeling… unbalanced. Brings me peace.”</p><p>Dean’s chest was going to cave in. It was always one extreme or the other when talking to Cas. It was either thunderous anger, absolute bliss or this, unwavering pain. The guy talked like he was presenting you a piece of his heart, the intensity of it was… ‘unbalancing’.</p><p> </p><p>“Why were you running, Dean?” Cas asked after a pause.</p><p>“Thought you were leaving,” Dean replied dumbly.</p><p>“Did you want me to?” Cas looked away.</p><p>“Why the hell would I run over here if I did?” Maybe Sam was right about everything. Maybe Cas really was unbelievably clueless.</p><p>“To say goodbye, or perhaps to tell me never to come back.”</p><p>“Why the fuck would I do that?” Dean yelped.</p><p>A small smile broke out on the ex-angel’s face, “You’re a complicated man, Dean. You seldom let me in. So, I have given up trying to understand every single part of you. I am more than content knowing the parts you are willing to share.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean wanted to talk about his feelings, he did. He knew he’d have to eventually, but not right now. Right now, he was chicken shit. So instead, he said, “What are you listening to? And why are you listening to it on that ancient piece of crap?”</p><p>“It’s the only thing that will play cassettes apart from your car. And I am aware of your rule of ‘the shotgun shutting his cakehole’. This felt like a fair compromise.” Cas replied.</p><p>Dean just chuckled. “Cassette huh? Which one?”</p><p>Cas opened the player and handed Dean the cassette.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean’s top 13 Zep traxx</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dean wondered if Cas would look at him funny if he began sobbing like a 3-year-old. Probably not, Cas was too kind, He’d just hold Dean and soothe him, probably tell him a story about how he had made the constellations, to calm Dean down. And no matter how much Dean denied it, he wanted nothing more.</p><p>“You still have this?” he asked, voice thick with emotion.</p><p>“It was a gift. I’m told you keep those.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Longest one yet. I cannot apologize for it tho. It was necessary.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chuck may have been God, but first and foremost he was a creator, a writer. The fact that his creations looked up to him as their Father and worshipped him fully was an ego boost, sure but to him it was secondary. All he ever cared about was his story. It was hilarious then, that he failed to understand that he had made a fatal flaw, he'd given all his ‘characters’ free will. He was too arrogant to consider that to be a threat, and in the end, that was his biggest mistake.</p><p>His second mistake, however, was being so focused on the brothers Winchester that he failed to notice the one being in all of existence that just never followed his plot. All the other versions of Dean and Sam had failed in one way or another. Somehow Chuck had failed to notice, that the only outlier of this world; his favorite world was <em>Castiel</em>.</p><p>Castiel protected the Winchesters, bled for them, fought for them, fell for them. He raised the child who in the end, became Chuck’s damnation. He turned the tides, time and again in favor of the Winchesters. And he did it, all of it because of love.</p><p> </p><p>It was drizzling lightly. Dean had offered to take Castiel on a drive, suggesting it would help. Help whom, Castiel wasn’t sure. But, as usual, he could never refuse Dean anything. Dean and Cas sat in relative silence, both sneaking glances at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking.</p><p>“Which one’s your favorite out of these?” Dean asked, after a while. Eyes focused on the road.</p><p>“I feel as though you expect me to answer ‘Stairway to Heaven’, solely for the irony of it all,” he replied, with a smirk on his face.</p><p>Dean laughed softly.</p><p>Castiel would fight hordes of demons till the end of time to hear that sound again.</p><p>“No man, seriously, which one?” Dean asked jovially. “And why?” he added after a pause.</p><p>Castiel sat there silently for a moment, considering, sighed and said, “I think… I think I am overly fond of ‘Ten Years Gone’… as for why…” he looked out the window, trying to avoid Dean as intently as possible, “it reminds me of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Castiel felt the car swerve just for a second, he looked over to Dean and it looked as if all the color had drained from his face. Well, fuck. Castiel was human now, he should start learning the most useful human skill of knowing when to keep his mouth shut.</p><p>"Dean-“ He began but was promptly cut off.</p><p>“Why?” Dean squealed.</p><p>“… why?” Castiel asked, confused.</p><p>“Yeah. Why?” Dean’s eyes were still on the road but his discomposure was clear on his face.</p><p>Castiel failed disastrously at being an Angel, maybe now it was his turn to fail at being a human. Knowing full well that he should keep his mouth shut, he went on, “Well, as far as I understand the lyrics talk about Plant’s lover who asked him to choose between her and his profession. Having chosen his career, his music, he reflects back on his life with the satisfaction of having made the right choice. Have I misunderstood it?”</p><p>“No… No. You’re pretty on point,” Dean’s grip on the staring wheel tightened, “But why does that remind you of yours truly?”</p><p>“Shouldn’t it?” Castiel asked, finally looking over at Dean, “You’ve chosen this life over all your other desires. You have sacrificed the things you would have wanted for yourself to devote yourself to saving others. As a matter of fact, just like Plant, you too have chosen your profession as a hunter over your greatest love.”</p><p>“My greatest love?” Dean croaked.</p><p>“Lisa,” Castiel supplied, with a hint of confusion. Wasn't it obvious? “You were quite happy there, and she too asked for you to make a choice. Did she not?”</p><p>Dean remained silent.</p><p>“Have I said something wrong?” Castiel asked, worried, “if so, I apologize.”</p><p>“N- no Cas. It- it’s not that. I’m just thinking. That’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>They drove in silence for a while as the rain got heavier.</p><p> </p><p>This time, Castiel was the one who broke the silence, “Why did you think I was leaving, Dean?”</p><p>“Sam said you were looking for apartments,” Dean replied, still distracted.</p><p>“Yes, but why would that make you think I was leaving right that second?” Castiel asked, brows furrowed.</p><p>“Um…” Dean scratched the back of his neck. Castiel smiled then. Dean was embarrassed. Castiel looked at him, cocked a brow, and smirked. “Fine! I panicked. Okay? I went to your room; it was empty… and it all kinda spiraled from there, I guess.”</p><p>Castiel chuckled.</p><p>“I don’t know. I- I guess I’ve always been worried about that, you know? When you had your mojo, you’d just woosh away without a word–“ Dean added.</p><p>“Dean I-“ Castiel tried to explain, all his laughter gone.</p><p>“I know, man. I understand there was always a reason. Most of the time, saving my ass was <em>the reason</em>, so I can’t- I don’t hold it against you. It’s just a weird feeling in the back of my head, alright? I’m not tryna blame you here, just explain myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Castiel never knew his absence caused Dean distress, if he had, he would’ve done things far differently.</p><p>“Would it make you feel better if I were to promise never to leave without saying goodbye to you, Dean?” Castiel replied, looking at Dean, trying to convey his sincerity with every word.</p><p>“No Cas!” Dean exclaimed. Castiel looked away but he understood though, some fears couldn’t be quelled with few simple words.</p><p>“Just don’t fucking leave, asshat.” Dean smacked his palm on the wheel to punctuate.</p><p>And Castiel looked back at Dean and saw Dean looking back at him. Their eyes met and there was something in Dean’s eyes Castiel couldn’t quite read.</p><p>“Just don’t leave,” Dean repeated, softly now, a genuine plea.</p><p>And again, Castiel could never refuse Dean anything, “As you wish.”</p><p> </p><p>The car swerved again, much further off the road this time. Instead of correcting, this time Dean parked the car haphazardly. They were on some abandoned backroad, with nothing around them but green fields, as far as the eye could see.</p><p> </p><p>“Dean?” Castiel asked, concerned.</p><p>Castiel was right, he was obviously going to be a second-rate human, because not only did he not know when to keep his mouth shut, he also had no concept of self-preservation. In his defense, however, as an Angel he hadn’t needed much self-preservation, to begin with. But at that moment though, Castiel wish it weren't so, because Dean was seething.</p><p>“Dean?” He tried again.</p><p>“Don’t say shit like that, Cas,” Dean berated him. “Especially when you don’t know what it means.”</p><p> </p><p>Now Castiel was seething just as fiercely.</p><p> </p><p>“I know what it means, Dean. Please do not patronize me,” Castiel spoke as evenly as he could. He paused and then added, “I understand what my f- what I said when the Empty came to take me-“</p><p>“It didn’t <em>come</em> to take you, you fucking summoned it,” Dean chastised.</p><p>“-I understand that it makes you uncomfortable.” Castiel barrelled on, “but I fail to see, what I can do to correct the situation. I can’t undo it and I <em>will not</em> apologize for it. I did what I had to do. If there were <em>any</em> other way, I wouldn’t have said anything but the world needed saving and you, Sam and Jack were the only ones who could save it. But more than that... I will always, <em>always</em>, try my best to save you; no matter what. And as for apologizing for how I feel, especially when I don’t intend to stop feeling that way, seems more than disingenuous. It’s disrespectful, to both you and myself. So, while I understand that it makes you uneasy, the most I can do is assure you that I don’t expect anything from you. I am more than content, happy even, with silent drives in the Impala through random backroads while listening to music... And I can offer to pretend like it never happened so we can just go back to how things were…” he sighed, before adding with hesitation laced with every word, “or at least, I hope we can…”</p><p> </p><p>For a while, the only sound was that of the pattering of the rain against the roof of the Impala. And then suddenly, Dean was out of the car, pacing.</p><p>Castiel followed him out, stood across from the hunter. They were both drenched within the minute. Castiel could tell Dean wanted to say something so he waited, patiently. He had watched the Earth take shape from gasses; he could wait for Dean to form his thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Dean finally stopped pacing and then, “You cut out your grace, Cas!”</p><p>“I’m aware, Dean. I’m quite sure I was there when it happened,” Castiel deadpanned. He clearly had a death wish.</p><p>“Do I look like I’m in the mood for your bullshit, Cas?” Dean spat out, harshly.</p><p>“I don’t know what you want from me, Dean,” Castiel said exasperated. </p><p>“I wanna know why!”</p><p>“You already know why!”</p><p> </p><p>Dean suddenly looked unbelievably lost, “I’m an asshole, Cas. I’ve got issues up the fucking wazoo and I said those fucking awful things. I treated you like trash, like you wer- like you were fucking expendable, man,” he screamed, “I’m a horrible broken stupid man, who ruins everything he touches; why the fuck would you give up your grace for me, give up your life for me?”</p><p>“You already know why,” Castiel repeated.</p><p>Dean laughed humourlessly, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do, don’t I? The question still is; why?”</p><p>“…why?”</p><p>“Yeah man, why?” Dean sounded defeated.</p><p> </p><p>Castiel walked closer to Dean, they stared at each other, “I remember seeing you in hell. Your soul… I felt almost like- like you were calling out to me. I fought off the demons in a haze, I was so entranced by how brightly you burned… you were like the sun and I was caught in your orbit,” Castiel realized he was smiling, “I think I have loved you since the moment I saw you, down in the depths of hell, when you thought you were at your very worst, all I could see was you; <em>still beautiful, still Dean Winchester.</em>” Castiel sighed heavily and then looked away, “I’ll always choose you over myself. Honestly, I don’t think that’s even a choice.”</p><p>“And you were just never going to tell me any of this?” Dean asked.</p><p>“I didn’t see a point.”</p><p>“Didn’t see a point?”</p><p>Castiel shrugged.</p><p>“You were just, willing to bet your life on the fact that I don’t- I wouldn’t feel the same? You were <em>that </em>sure?” Dean asked.</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean stepped closer, put a tentative hand on Castiel’s face, guiding him gently to look up. Their eyes locked. Castiel finally noticed the tears rolling down his cheek. But Dean was smiling. “Don’t ever play poker, Cas,”</p><p> </p><p>And then Dean kissed him.</p><p> </p><p>Dean kissed him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean kissed him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Castiel’s mind finally caught up and began kissing him back. And they were off. The world stood still, as both of them poured in ten years of love, of devotion, of care and pining into the kiss. They were holding onto each other for dear life; Dean's hand around Castiel’s waist, Castiel’s clutching onto Dean’s jacket. They kissed each other like they needed it to live, and they probably did. They kissed and kissed until they finally had to breathe. They broke away but didn’t pull apart. Dean rested his forehead on Castiel’s and smiled again.</p><p>“Fuck! Should’ve done that ages ago.” Dean sounded utterly giddy. "That was probably the best kiss I've ever had. You sure you're a rookie?" He added with a wink and smirk.</p><p>“Dean-” Castiel tried and failed. He was still incredibly lost, too lost in the kiss, in Dean. “You...” he tried and failed again.</p><p>Dean chuckled, and this close, Castiel felt the vibration running through his body.</p><p>“Yes, you dumbass,” Dean replied, his smile absolutely brilliant. “I love you, Cas. I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t think I remember a time when I didn’t. I shoulda told you a long time ago, but I thought- I thought you <em>couldn’t</em> feel the same way, you know? And even if you could, I didn’t think it would be for me. But then all of a sudden Death was knocking at the door, <em>literally</em> and you were saying those things; those shitty, perfect things. It was everything I ever wanted you to say but it felt like- it was a fucking goodbye, and I couldn’t fucking bear it, man. Every time I’ve lost you, I felt like there was a ‘Cas’ shaped hole in my heart, it felt like I’d lost myself, man.</p><p>“Cas... You- You walked into my life with literal sparks, man. And Angel or not; you’ve always been fucking divine. I didn’t even realize I’d fallen for you until I was so completely gone on you. You’ve always been so good, so genuinely good, and kind, and compassionate, and so fucking hot… I never thought- I never thought I could have you, all this time I didn’t even think you’d <em>want</em> <em>me.</em> But then you said you did and I didn’t even to say it back, Cas! How’s that fair? The love of my life, died in front of me, died for me, thinking I didn’t love him back… But I do Cas… of course, I do, I do, so fucking much. And I can’t say this will be easy, I’m still pretty shitty but I’ll try to be better, for you… I guess what I’m tryna say is that you can have this Cas, I’m yours. I’m pretty fucking sure, I always have been…”</p><p> </p><p>If the world had stopped before, then in that moment Castiel felt his heart stop beating. </p><p> </p><p>Dean loved <em>him.</em></p><p> </p><p>Dean <em>loved </em>him.</p><p> </p><p><em>Dean </em>loved him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dean loved him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Castiel replied dumbfounded.</p><p>“’Oh’? That’s all I get?” Dean pulled back, looking baffled, “I bore my heart out, Cas. And all you’ve got is, ‘oh’?!”</p><p>“It’s better than a bare face and a ‘Don’t do this, Cas’” Castiel replied, amiably.</p><p>Dean’s smile faded. Castiel and his big mouth needed to be struck by lightning.</p><p>“I’m sorry-“ Castiel tried.</p><p>“No. No. That’s fair… It’s just…” Dean sighed, pulling Castiel close again, noses touching, “Like I said, just don’t leave me again, please.”</p><p> </p><p>As if Castiel could ever possibly refuse that. He smiled, “As you wish,” and kissed him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For anyone who needs context, "As you wish" is a reference to The Princess Bride, in which Wesley, the male lead says it to Buttercup, the female lead, every time she asks him to do something. She later realises it's his way of saying "I love you."<br/>Also, watch The Princess Bride, I promise you won't regret it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. We can watch the white doves go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam heard the echo of light footsteps before Dean walked into the kitchen. Dean looked a little surprised, probably expecting to find the place empty but schooled his features immediately. He walked over to the fridge, and for a second Sam held his breath. Dean pulled out a can of coke, opened it, walking over to sit opposite his brother. Sam breathed a sigh of relief, and smiled.</p><p>“What?” Dean asked, looking at Sam with confusion.</p><p>“Nothing,” Sam saw Dean cock his brow, “Just happy that you finally got your head out of your ass. That’s all.” Sam closed the book he had in his hands, setting it aside.</p><p> </p><p>Dean shifted uncomfortably. Sam realized all of a sudden, Dean wasn’t going to deflect with a stupid comeback, he was going to emote. Apparently, a lot can change in one day - especially when a drive with two drenched, oblivious men was a part of that day.</p><p>“Yeah, about that…” Dean began. He fell back into silence for a second, looking down at his hands. When he finally looked up, there was determination in his eyes. He breathed heavily, as preparation for what seemed like a... confession and then, “I’m in love with Cas.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam just sat there dumbfounded.</p><p> </p><p>A moment passed.</p><p> </p><p>Then another.</p><p> </p><p>And another.</p><p> </p><p>Another.</p><p> </p><p>“You-“ Sam tried but was promptly cut off.</p><p>“I think… I think I’ve always been in love with Cas,” Dean said, there was a small challenge in his words, as if he was waiting, expecting for Sam to chastise him for it.</p><p>As if!</p><p>“You-“ Sam tried again and was cut off, again.</p><p>“And he’s in love with me,” Dean said with wonder as if he couldn’t believe it himself. He looked back down at his hands and smiled softly.</p><p>“You-“ Sam tried <em>again</em> and was cut off, <em>again. </em></p><p>“Sam-“</p><p> </p><p>Sam’s patience ran out, “<em>YOU THOUGHT I DIDN’T KNOW?!</em>” Sam screamed as he stood up, completely confounded.</p><p>“You- y- you- knew?” Dean asked, voice small.</p><p>Sam was too shocked to reply. Wow, Dean and Cas were definitely a match made in heaven if they were <em>that</em> dumb.</p><p>“You <em>knew?”</em> Dean asked again, voice louder, filled with confusion. “You fucking knew?!”</p><p>And that broke Sam’s trance, “Who the fuck didn’t, Dean?” Sam shouted just as loud as his brother.</p><p>“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean sounded exasperated.</p><p>“Everyone knew! Everyone knows! Jack, Eileen, Claire, Jody, Donna, Mom, Bobby, Rowena, Heaven, Hell… you name it; they knew,” Sam was infuriated, “I think the only people in this world who didn’t know were the two of you.”</p><p>Sam finally sat down, “You both look at each other like, the rest of the world doesn’t really exist. Of course, <em>I knew, </em>Dean. I’m your brother, for fuck’s sake. I just always thought you knew that I know and that I’m okay- no. That I’m <em>more</em> than okay with it.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean sat there in silence. His eyes were bulging out and Sam wasn’t quite sure he was breathing but Sam was very willing to give his brother a moment to cope.</p><p>“So, you’re okay with this? I mean, we’re okay?” Dean murmured, with hesitation.</p><p>Sam softened at that, “Yeah, Dean. 'Course we're okay,” Sam waited for Dean to look at him, and when he did, “I just want both of you to be happy. You guys deserve it. Fuck, if there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s the three of us. Right?”</p><p>Dean finally breathed. Sam could practically the weight being lifted off his shoulders. He watched his brother finally relax after... decades. </p><p> </p><p>“But I need you to know,” Sam added, “you hurt him, I’ll punch you in the face.”</p><p>“What the fuck, Sammy? You’re supposed to say that to him <em>about me!</em> Not the other way ‘round. Whose side are you on anyway?” Dean asked annoyed.</p><p>“I may not know exactly what his moment of true happiness was, but I know that it was you, wasn’t it?” Sam asked, knowingly. He had only heard mentions of it from Dean and Jack, not the details. He didn’t think he wanted to ask for any, it felt too personal to Dean and Cas. Moreover, he didn’t think he really needed to know more than that the Empty promised to take Cas when he felt truly happy.</p><p>Dean nodded, sullenly.</p><p>“Yeah. Given that, do I really need to give him the ‘Hurt my brother, you die’ speech?” Sam asked jovially.</p><p>Dean smiled a bit, “Fair enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean took a sip from his coke.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom knew too?” Dean asked.</p><p>“Like I said, you were nowhere near as discreet as you thought.” Sam trying to sound taunting and light-hearted, but failing.</p><p>“Huh.” Dean took another sip. “And she was okay with it?”</p><p>Sam looked him in the eye, “Yeah, Dean. She was pretty happy, I think. Proud even,” A smile broke onto his face as he added, “She always told you angels were watching over you, didn’t she?”</p><p>Sam saw Dean smile wistfully. Sam doesn’t quite remember seeing his brother this happy in... ever.</p><p>“I’m proud of you too, you know?”</p><p>Dean chuckled and added, “Right back atchya, Sammy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dad, though... he would’ve fucking reamed our asses if he saw us now,” Dean said. He looked utterly unbothered by the statement and Sam thought maybe this wasn’t a change made in a day, but a change made over the course of years, and maybe Sam had missed it in the midst of all the chaos.</p><p>“We raised Lucifer’s kid, the last King of Hell was a friend of ours, the new Queen of Hell is my mentor and you're absolutely smitten with a man-shaped angel; um, yeah. He would’ve handed us our asses back on a platter.” Sam answered.</p><p>“Well, what the fuck would he able to do now? The new God’s gonna be along for breakfast in a couple o' minutes,” Dean retorted.</p><p>And they were both laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, I can’t believe you knew,” Dean said.</p><p>“Dude, I’ve been third-wheeling for over a decade, stuck in the middle of your staring matches. How the hell could I not?” Sam shuddered at the thought of the years of sexual tension he had to live through. And then, just because this was his annoying elder brother, he added, “And the hickey isn't really helping.”</p><p>Dean turned absolutely crimson. Sam broke out laughing loudly.</p><p>And purely because he was an asshole, he teased, "And my room's not that far from yours... voice carries pretty easy in these halls."</p><p>“Well, cut me some slack, alright? It was a long time coming…” Dean said flustered and then paused.</p><p>Sam’s laugh cut abruptly. Both the men looked at each other.</p><p>And then doubled over in laughter. They laughed until their stomachs hurt.</p><p>“Dude!” Sam protested, weakly through his chuckles.</p><p>Dean waved his hand, in defense, “I know, I know. I heard it the moment I said it, alright?”</p><p>Their laughter petered out.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna talk about it?” Dean asked.</p><p>Sam nodded, got up, and made his way to the fridge, and pulled a can of coke for himself.</p><p>He opened the can, took a sip, and set it on the kitchen island. He sighed, “It’s just standard nightmares, you know? But now, it’s scarier to open my eyes. I worry that maybe if I do, she won’t be there… like all of this is just Chuck’s last big play, you know? Like-“</p><p>“He’s gonna jump out of a fucking corner and yell ‘Sike!’ and we’ll have to watch everything fall away,” Dean completed.</p><p>Sam let out a breath, “Yeah, something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean got up, walked over, set his coke on the table next to Sam’s. Put both his hands on Sam’s shoulder, turning him. They stood there, face to face. And then Dean pulled him in for a hug, with a gentle hand on the back of Sam’s neck. Sam was shocked for a moment. Took a second to adjust. And then sagged onto his brother, hugging back fiercely.</p><p>“I can’t tell you this <em>isn’t</em> a trick. All I can say is that this, right now, feels pretty fucking real to me. There’s no point ruining it by wondering what happens next, why don’t we just enjoy this for however long we get to have it,” Dean murmured soothingly into Sam’s ear. He patted the back of Sam’s head one last time “I’ll always be here if you need reminders, alright?” and pulled away.</p><p>Dean stepped back, picked up his coke, and took a sip, “Maybe this is our next… I don’t know… adventure, let’s call it. Maybe this is Team Free Will, 3.0: Domesticated Edition,” Dean smiled brightly.</p><p>Sam sniffled and smiled too. Both their eyes glistening with unshed tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you know why I’m here, what about you?” Sam asked.</p><p>Dean began moving around, trashing his coke, opening and examining the contents of the fridge.</p><p>“Same as you,” Dean replied, pulling out the eggs and bacon and setting them on the kitchen island, “And like I said, kid’s gonna be here soon and he keeps fucking devouring those god-awful cereal boxes like a man possessed, so I cook him pancakes before he drops in so he <em>has</em> to eat those instead.”</p><p>Sam watched Dean pull out the milk, so he, in turn, reached up and grab the flour from the cupboard.</p><p>“So, you’re basically guilt-tripping Jack into eating somewhat healthier?” Sam chided without any heat.</p><p>“Yeah! It’s still better than Cas, at least. I feel like he’s actively trying to find out how much sugar Jack's gotta have to get a fucking sugar rush,” Dean retorted defensively as he began mixing the batter.</p><p>Sam put up his hands in surrender, “Hey, hey, anything’s better than Cas, man. He manipulated me into buying a jumbo pack of nougat yesterday.”</p><p>“Jumbo pack of nougat?” came a voice from behind the boys.</p><p> </p><p>Both of them jumped turning back, “Holy fuck! You’re gonna give me a stroke,” Dean scolded, simultaneously as Sam said, “That’s really not funny, Jack.”</p><p>Jack was smiling while sitting on the chair across from them against the kitchen island, “You’ll be fine, Dean. And I disagree, Sam, I think this is pretty funny.”</p><p>“Where the hell is all this rebellion coming from?” Dean asked irritated.</p><p>“Probably me,” came Castiel’s response from the doorway. He walked over to Dean, and stood there for a second, as if unsure of whether he was allowed to acknowledge what had happened between him and Dean outside of their little bubble.</p><p>Dean looked at him a second and then, “Morning sunshine,” he smiled and leaned in to put a chaste kiss on his lips. “Grab a seat, sasquatch’s gonna help me with the pancakes today.”</p><p>And Sam watched the Angel, who had fought Demons, Archangels, the Darkness, and even God, blush. In that moment, he was sure, this couldn’t be a trick. Because even in Chuck’s wildest dream he could not have come up with that look of pure bliss on Cas’s face.</p><p> </p><p>Cas walked over and took a seat next to Jack. Jack smiled at him softly, earnestly. Cas pulled him by the shoulder and placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Are there going to be pancakes?” All the boys looked back at the door to find Eileen.</p><p>“If Dean can stop making heart eyes at Castiel and Sam doesn’t burn anything, then probably, yes,” Jack replied while signing perfectly. Being God apparently had some perks and Sam would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous.</p><p>Dean smacked Jack’s arm with a kitchen towel, making the kid scrunch his nose, “You’re too young to be a smart-mouth teenager,” Dean chided while signing.</p><p>Eileen gave a peck to Sam from across the table and took a seat next to Cas.</p><p>“Doesn’t becoming God mean, he’s transcended any age barrier?” Eileen asked smiling while she signed gracefully.</p><p>“Tell that to his sugar addiction,” Dean reprimanded.</p><p>“He doesn’t have a sugar addiction, Dean.” Cas defended, signing at the same time. Sam wondered if he should ask Cas to teach him ASL.</p><p>“Obviously you’d say that, you’re the one enabling him,” Sam countered, setting down the batter and grabbing the butter from the fridge.</p><p>Dean began heating up the pan. He dropped the butter in the pan.</p><p>“Can he even get addicted to sugar?” Eileen asked.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Jack answered, hands moving swiftly, “I think I should find out.”</p><p>“How?” Cas asked, genuinely curious.</p><p>“By eating the jumbo pack of nougat, that you apparently bought me,” Jack replied with a smile.</p><p>“Okay, now even I have to admit, you’re spoiling him, Cas,” Eileen reproached.</p><p>“See? You’re fighting a losing battle, sweetheart.”  Dean smiled triumphantly as he poured the batter in.</p><p>“Nothing’s new there,” Cas retorted with a smirk.</p><p>Their eyes locked and just like that, both of them were lost to the world around them.</p><p> </p><p>"Keep making googly eyes at him, you'll be the one burning something," Sam teased.</p><p>Dean hastily tried to flip the pancake, while Cas blushed with a smile. The pancake was burnt, so Dean trashed it with a sigh. </p><p>"Don't," Dean warned as he poured the batter again.</p><p>"I didn't say anything!" Sam defended.</p><p>"Let's keep it that way," Dean said flinging his spatula.</p><p>"Wow, touchy," Sam smirked.</p><p>"Bitch."</p><p>"Jerk."</p><p> </p><p>Team Free Will 3.0: Domesticated Edition, was doing pretty fucking well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is technically the end. </p><p>Epilogue coming soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. I live for my dream, and a pocket full of gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Epilogue, of sorts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>December 25<sup>th</sup></p><p>“Is this- Is this a skateboard?” Jack exclaimed in joy as he ripped off the wrapping.</p><p>It was pretty early in the morning. They were all sitting in the War Room, in fuzzy pajamas. Eileen was on Sam’s lap. Dean’s legs were resting on Cas’s lap as he massaged Dean’s feet, absentmindedly. There was a decent-sized tree in the corner, with a small angel on the top, on which Eileen and Jack had cut and taped a small photo of Cas’s face.</p><p>Sam smirked, “Told you, it was a good one, didn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>January 24<sup>th</sup></p><p>“You-“ Dean was absolutely astounded.</p><p>“Come on, eat it. You’re making me nervous.” Cas said shyly.</p><p>“Nervous?” Dean asked, barely able to form words.</p><p>“Yeah, obviously. What if you don’t like it?” Cas sounded so worried.</p><p>Dean had to smile. He pulled Cas by the collar of his, no wait, Dean’s shirt, and kissed him fiercely.</p><p>“You baked me a fucking pie, Cas, of course I’ll like it” Dean replied smiling, “I’ll fucking love it.”</p><p>Cas smiled and finally sat down opposite Dean on the kitchen table.</p><p>Dean took a bite, and okay, it wasn’t great. The filling of apples needed more sugar, and the crust wasn’t a bit hard but-</p><p>“How it is?” Cas asked, distraught.</p><p>Dean smiled brightly and replied honestly, “Perfect.”</p><p>A smile broke out on Cas’s face.</p><p>“Happy Birthday, my love.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>April 1<sup>st</sup></p><p>“Hey, Dean?” Sam asked from behind him.</p><p>They’d just wrapped a case in Sioux Falls, helping Jody out. They were getting out of the car, making their way into Jody’s place. Cas was already inside, having made his way there after assisting Claire and Kaia on a hunt a couple states over. Eileen was going to join them in an hour, having wrapped a hunt of her own. Donna, Alex, and Patience were inside as well, waiting with most probably a very hearty dinner.</p><p>“Yeah, Sammy?” Dean asked, not looking around. He was so fucking hungry.</p><p>“Dean?” Sam called again.</p><p>Dean sighed and turned, “What is it, Sammy?”</p><p>“Will you be my best man?”</p><p>Dean stared at Sam, remained silent for a minute. And then, finally, it clicked.</p><p>“Ha, ha, ha!” Dean turned around, began walking again, “Not gonna work on me, Sam.”</p><p>“I’m serious, Dean.”</p><p>“Sure, you are.”</p><p>“Is this a no?” Sam asked. Dean turned at that. Sam looked him straight in the eye, smirking. “If that’s the case, I could always ask Cas.”</p><p>Dean stared at him again. And then it clicked, again.</p><p>“Fucking bastard!” Dean slammed into Sam, crushing him in a tight hug. Both men were laughing.</p><p>“Is that a yes?” Sam asked teasing when they finally pulled apart.</p><p>“That’s a ‘Fuck, yes!’” Dean patted his shoulder. There was a brief pause, and then “I’m real proud of you, Sammy.”</p><p>Sam’s eyes were glistening, and Dean was sure, his were too.</p><p>“Thanks, Dean.”</p><p>At dinner, Dean realized that Eileen and Sam were a match made in heaven, because Eileen pulled the same prank on the whole group. Once they realized they weren’t being played, there were many loud shrieks, several hugs were exchanged and some tears were shed. Eileen later revealed it was her idea to keep the whole thing under wraps for a week so she and Sam could prank everyone. Eileen also asked Cas to be her Man of Honor, to which Sam objected profusely.</p><p>“He’s my best friend! He should be a groomsman.” Sam protested, hands signing quickly.</p><p>“You’ve already got Dean! Besides he’s my best friend too.” Eileen countered.</p><p>The fight went on for a while, neither of the couple would budge. Eventually when they’d had enough Donna decided to break it up. “Let’s get the man ordained, then he can be the minister, not that he isn't very heavenly to begin with-"</p><p>"Not anymore, Donna," Cas interrupted shyly.</p><p>Donna turned to look at him, "I was talking about those baby-blues, handsome" she replied with a wink, making Cas blush. "And Eileen, Jody can be your Maid of Honor, she throws better parties," she added.</p><p>They left the next morning with perfect smiles on their faces.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>May 2<sup>nd</sup></p><p>“What do we call her?” Eileen asked.</p><p>Sam was sniffing too hard to reply.</p><p>“How about… Miracle?” Dean asked from behind him. They were all standing in the library, with the cutest puppy in the world in front of them. “Seems fitting, no?” Dean looked at Cas who was standing next to him with his arms wrapped around Dean’s waist and a smile on his face.</p><p>Sam breathed heavily, “Yeah, yeah. Miracle. Sounds perfect,” he said as he continued petting her, nuzzling her, where she was resting in his arms.</p><p>“You like her then?” Eileen asked politely.</p><p>Sam let out a wet chuckle. “Of course. I love her. I love you. God…” He leaned down and kissed Eileen gently, “Thank you.”</p><p>“Happy Birthday, darling.”</p><p>"Happy Birthday, Sammy."</p><p>“Happy Birthday, Sammy.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>May 18<sup>th</sup></p><p>“What do you get the guy who has everything?” Dean asked rhetorically, “Whatever the fuck you can.”</p><p>At that Cas presented tickets to Disneyland to Jack. And the responding smile Jack gave was absolutely brilliant.</p><p>“This is perfect, guys,” Jack said astonished. “You’ll come along, right?” He looked worried all of a sudden.</p><p>“Of course, Jack,” Cas replied calmly.</p><p>“Who did you think those tickets are for? Your <em>other </em>family?” Eileen teased.</p><p>Jack smiled and scratched the back of his neck shyly. Cas smiled at the action; like father like son.</p><p>“The girls said they'll meet us there,” Sam added, “Come on, Claire's gonna chew our heads off if we’re late”</p><p>“She’s already called me four times,” Cas countered, scrunching his nose. And was met with a gentle peck on his cheek from Dean. He cocked his brow at the taller man but only got a smile in reply.</p><p>Jack looked around the room, sighed, and said, “Thank you, guys. I mean it. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s pretty great to have three dads and a step mom. I.. I really love you guys.”</p><p>"Don't mention it, kiddo," Eileen said signing along, eith a chuckle.</p><p>“Least we could do,” Sam replied laughing.</p><p>“We love you too, Jack, very much,” Cas said.</p><p>“Happy Birthday, son.” Dean patted Jack’s back. And after a poignant pause, a phone began ringing.</p><p>“It's Claire again,” Cas said checking his phone.</p><p>“Come on, woosh us away, let’s go!” Dean charged. “I don’t need to see the angstier version of her. I like living.”</p><p>The group spent the entire day having too much cotton candy, riding every single one of the rides, and buying too many unnecessary souvenirs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>August 23<sup>rd</sup></p><p>Dean was on sitting on the bed in the infirmary. Sam was opposite him, on a chair, stitching the gash on his left shoulder. Eileen was standing next to Sam, cleaning a scab on Dean’s forehead. Cas was in front of them… pacing.</p><p>“Something on your mind, sweetheart?” Dean asked, light-hearted.</p><p>“Yes,” Cas replied easily, still pacing.</p><p>“Care to elaborate?” Dean countered.</p><p>“Depends” Cas was actively avoiding looking at Dean, still pacing.</p><p>“On?”</p><p>“How much of a fit you’ll throw?”</p><p>“I’m a grown-ass man, I don’t throw fits.” Dean defended.</p><p>“Doesn’t sound like you,” Eileen rebuked at the same time as Sam said, “You threw one yesterday over orange juice.”</p><p>“It had pulp!” Dean protested loudly.</p><p>When he received pointed looks from the couple, he sighed, looking back at his lover, who was still pacing, and said, “Fine! I won’t.”</p><p>“I want to retire,” Cas stated simply, still pacing.</p><p>There was a brief pause and then, Dean said, “Okay.”</p><p><em>Finally, </em>Cas stopped.</p><p>“Okay?” Cas asked confused, finally looking at Dean.</p><p>“Yeah. ‘Okay’.” Dean shrugged, and was met with an exasperated huff from Sam.</p><p>“I should clarify, I meant, I want to retire… with you.” Cas looked worried now, sheepish even.</p><p>God, this stupid, adorable, perfect ex-angel, “Who else would I have thought you were retiring with? Chris Evans?” Dean retorted.</p><p>“And you’re okay with it?” Cas asked, ignoring the profoundly bad retort.</p><p>“Yes,” Dean said plainly.</p><p>Cas’s jaw would have to be screwed back on, if it opened any wider, “Really?” Cas sounded so shocked.</p><p>“YES!” Dean shouted. At Cas’s stunned face he added, “For fuck’s sake. You’re worried about me, right? Is it so hard to believe I might feel the same for you?” Then finally Cas’s face melted into something close to what Sam would term ‘heart eyes’ but to Dean, it was the same face Cas wore whenever they looked at each other. And maybe that was the point. Cas had always looked at him like Dean was his whole world.</p><p>The thought made him feel so warm inside that after a pause he said, “Besides… I’d do anything for you, angel.”</p><p>Sam made a noise of a whip being cracked, “Whipped!” He said teasingly, while Eileen just chuckled and stepped away.</p><p>“Absolutely” Dean smiled, locking his eyes with Cas.</p><p>Cas walked over then and kissed Dean with everything he had. Eventually, they pulled away when Sam began making gagging noises.</p><p>Cas pressed a very gentle kiss to his temple and whispered in his ear, “Thank you, my love.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>September 17<sup>th</sup></p><p>“Sam, I was wondering if I could talk to you,” Cas asked, cutting off Sam’s rambling over the Chicago 7.</p><p>They were standing in the backyard of Sam and Eileen’s new home; it wasn’t much but it was theirs. Eileen and Dean were in the kitchen, cooking and had banished Sam and Cas from their kingdom. Apparently, they had burnt too many pancakes. In their defense, cooking was hard. Miracle was stuck to Cas's leg. Sam was absolutely not jealous of how much <em>his</em> dog loved Cas.</p><p>“What’s up, Cas?” Sam asked concerned. Cas would never have interrupted if it wasn’t important.</p><p>“Well…” Cas began and then paused, trying to gather his thoughts, “I-“ He sighed, “I want to marry Dean.”</p><p>“That’s great, Cas,” Sam said carefully, “But I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be telling him that. Not me.”</p><p>“Don't be an ass,” Cas reprimanded, finally looking at Sam. “I just wanted to… I wanted to ask for your permission.”</p><p>If it were anyone else asking, Sam would’ve laughed but this was Cas. Castiel, the angel who fell for his brother, time and time again. Castiel, who loved his brother more than the whole world. Castiel, who was his naïve, kind best friend. So instead, he said, “You’ve got it, Cas. You always did.”</p><p>The smile that broke out on Cas’s face was so bright, Sam thought for a second he was going to be blinded by it.</p><p>“You got a ring?” Sam asked, with a smile of his own.</p><p>“Yes,” Cas pulled out a box from his pocket, opened it, and showed it to Sam.</p><p>It was a simple gold band, with a carving inside that made Sam’s heart melt.</p><p>“You think he’ll like it?” Cas asked, hopeful.</p><p>“Nah Cas, I think he’ll love it.”</p><p>Cas seemed very pleased with himself.</p><p>“When are you planning to do it?” Sam asked.</p><p>“Tomorrow.”</p><p>Sam felt a warmth in his chest throughout dinner, as he looked at his make-shift family while thinking about a very similar conversation he’d had with his brother about a week before.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>September 18<sup>th</sup></p><p>They were lying on the bed, in only their boxers and nothing else, in the room that used to be Dean’s but had now become <em>t</em><em>heirs. </em></p><p>They were both utterly fucked out. Dean was sitting with his back resting on the headboard, while Cas was lying with his head in Dean’s lap. One of Dean’s hands was busy playing with Cas’s dark hair.</p><p>“Cas?” Dean finally broke the long amiable silence.</p><p>“Yes, Dean?”</p><p>“You remember how I asked you which Zepp song you liked best?”</p><p>Cas nodded softly, “I told you it was ‘Ten Years Gone’ because it reminded me of you.”</p><p>Dean chuckled at that, “Yeah, cause apparently, I’d sacrificed my greatest love.”</p><p>“In my defense, I was a newly minted human.” Cas defended.</p><p>“Yeah well, you weren’t too wrong. I had sacrificed my greatest love, told myself I couldn’t have it. You just got the ‘who’ of it all wrong.”</p><p>Cas bent his head and laid a gentle kiss on Dean’s belly. “For what it’s worth, you’re my greatest love as well.”</p><p>“Would be pretty awkward if I weren’t,” Dean joked.</p><p>Cas got up, putting his leg over Dean’s, straddling him. He sat down on Dean’s lap and held Dean’s face in both his hands with so much care, Dean’s heart felt like it could burst with love. Then Cas began peppering tender kisses across his face. Dean smiled, knowing Cas was trying to succeed at his hopeless pursuit of kissing every last one of his freckles.</p><p>“If anything, I wanted ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’ to remind you of me, you know?” Dean said.</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve got the love you need Cas, more than enough,” Dean said with complete sincerity not caring for a second how cheesy it sounded.</p><p>Cas just kissed him sweetly until they were both completely breathless. Cas rested his forehead on Dean’s for a second, smiled and then began kissing his freckles again.</p><p>“Cas,” Dean reprimanded with no heat, “It'll take you forever to kiss them all, sweetheart.”</p><p>“God, I hope so,” Cas breathed out, almost like a confession Dean wasn’t meant to hear.</p><p>Dean pulled away and for a moment Cas looked very concerned. Dean understood his reason and didn’t want to torture the poor guy so as quickly as he could, pulled out the box from the drawer of his nightstand.</p><p>He opened it and held it in front of Cas, with shaking hands. He heard Cas’s breath catch.</p><p>“For the longest time, I thought I would never get to grow old. I was sure I was going die on the job, on some hunt gone wrong. But, clearly, I was wrong. I can finally let go, you know? I’ve paid my dues; I’ve done my time. Now I get to finally rest, and there’s no one I’d rather do that with, than you. Exactly twelve years ago, you pulled me out of hell and you’ve been saving my ass ever since. We’ve been through the worst moments of our lives, together. I think- I think I wanna balance it out by going through the best moments of our lives, together as well. I- I know, that’s a much shorter time for you now than before… b- but I promise I’ll love you enough to make up for the eternity you had to give up. You’re it for me, Cas. You’ve always been it for me.” Dean realized then; he was crying. He sighed, collecting himself, “Marry me, angel?”</p><p>Cas was on the verge of tears as well, staring at Dean. Suddenly he got off Dean, and Dean was terrified, convinced Cas was just going to walk away. But then he felt Cas’s weight settle back on top of him again.</p><p>“You beautiful, infuriating man,” Cas said with a wet chuckle, pulling out a similar box and then opening it. The rings were practically identical. “You beat me by <em>a minute</em>,” Cas sounded only a little offended.</p><p>Dean laughed. He had never felt such sweet relief in his life.</p><p>“You too, huh?” Dean asked, pulling the ring out of the box. He noticed the carving, and realized it was Enochian, “What does it say, Cas?”</p><p>Cas was crying too now, “It roughly translates to <em>‘I’ll watch over you’</em>.”</p><p>If Dean thought his heart was going to burst before, right now he was sure it already had.</p><p>Cas meanwhile was examining his own ring, “As you wish,” he read out the inscription with a wet small sob.</p><p>They stared at each other for a moment, and then Dean asked, “So that’s a yes then?”</p><p>“Of course, Dean”</p><p>They put the rings on each other, laughing, crying, smiling. And then kissed till the sun came up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Team Free Will 3.0 did pretty well, all things considered. It wasn’t always easy, Dean sometimes lashed out, unable to express himself. Sam had nightmares that sometimes devolved into panic attacks. Cas had a hard time being human, and Jack wasn’t always sure how much he could interfere. But they ran their own race, they made their own moves, and mostly they did well with that. And like every other adventure they’d embarked upon, they did it, all of it, together as a family.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It has been an absolute pleasure writing these boys. I loved them with all my heart and for me, they will live on here, on this site, in some perfect fanfic. I wrote this mostly because I couldn't bear with how the show ended, especially when these boys were my family for 15 goddamn years. I hope I've done a better job. I hope you like this better than that shit show of a finale, and if you did, I hope it made you feel at least a little less pissed. Thanks for taking the time to read my drabble. And thank you so much for being part of this fandom with me.<br/>Dasvidanya.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on Tumblr, The Constant Sidekick. Please leave a comment. Would love to hear from you guys.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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